Jeremy Fucking Kyle

Jeremy Fucking Kyle.

'The Modern equivalent of a Victorian freak show'

1. Background.

2. Setting the scene.

3. An outrageous pantomime.

4.Why would they do this to themselves?

5. Pick on someone your own size.

6. Who watches this rubbish?

7. Well I never watched it. No really.

Background.

One hour of mindless abuse masquerading as self help therapy presented by a pugnacious git with all the charm of a pissing toad. We are treat to several guests on stage with a poverty of education being grilled mercilously before being hit over the head repeatedly with a book of middle class values. Each story, of which there is three, is divided by benevolent companies promising to consolidate all of your existing loans into one soul destroying millstone around your neck. The Jeremy Kyle show has aired for several years on ITV and draws consistenly high viewing figures for a mid-morning TV show.

Setting the scene.

Crouching down on the steps with his legs akimbo like he has a pair of prickly pineapples for testicles, the man with the card in his hand looks up an talks in an inquisitive but sympathetic manner to the lone figure visibly squirming on stage. The tequnique he employs is bog standard tea and sympathy counselling. This is disingenous though and is merely employed to lull the guest into a false sense of security. The truth is that anything they say will be taken down and used to hammer somebody into the ground later, maybe them.

Then the second guest and the precieved villain of the piece appears to a chorus of boo's like a man handed the death sentence before he has even had time to read his opening statement. Kyle hovering round the stage like a vulture eyeing his prey. After a few minutes of token prodding and probing he then launches himself with self righteous indignation at the guests spouting molten horseshit in their direction. It's ugly. They try to defend themseles but it's futile, a tidal wave of vitioloic bile is washing all over them and there is no escape. To compound matters this is then followed by the General Custar effect as the audience weighs in, being very careful to toe the line already established by the inveterate little shit. Of course this is all much to the delight of the free ticket brigade whom hae no doubt all lived faultless lies themselves.

'..and next we will be talking to Gary from Swansea who claims his finacee Beverley has cheated on him with the brass section of the local Salvation army. We'll be back after the break'.

An Outrageous Pantomime.

Put simply, the Jeremy Kyle show is the modern equivalent of a Victorian Freak show. They used to trawl them around from town to town in cages for people to point and sneer at, now they just put them on national television. The self help aspect of the show is merely a ruse to justify the vitriolic onslaught for the purposes of light entertainment.
Any advice imparted is doomed anyway. He knows it, we know it and I suspect the only people who don't are the terminally self unaware people on stage. The underclass need a high level of stress and conflict in their lives just in order to feel alive. Sex, intoxicants and conflict are the riches of the poor. (Shows such as Shameless are accurate and have real authenticity). Also when people lack the inclination or the basic negotiating skills necessary to resolve conflict, matters will not change one iota. Likewise people with a violent disposition are beyond reach within the perameters of a 20 minute TV slot. Violence is largely associated with self pity which is deeply ingrained in the psyche. Perhaps they should replace the lie detector tests with a good old fashioned dose of shock therapy if they want to make a real difference.

Why would they do this to themselves?

The burning question which has to be asked is at what point during a rift or relationship breakdown do people stop and say, ' I know, let's sort this out on national television'? The answer to this is perhaps that an appearance on Kyle is a bit like an ASBO to this demographic. Frowned upon by the public at large but seen as a badge of honour amongst amongst the feckless, it is a brief glimmering moment in the limelight for the terminally ignored and disenfranchised. In a modern society in which fame is seen as the ultimate aspiration, people are so desperate to achieve even a modicum of celebrity that they are prepared to sell whatever they have to achieve it, even their own disfunction. This is screamingly evident in Kyle but also in other shows such as Big brother, Shock docs and even the X-factor. Many people are quite happy to expose their faults and foibles to a mocking world and will revel in the ill gotten exposure.

Pick on someone your own size.

A firther galling aspect of the show is the uneven hand that is being played renders much of the interaction as little more than bullying. While Kyle himself is clearly not a candidate for MENSA he is intellectually superior to the slack jawed guests and it is therefore a no contest when it comes to a challenge. You wonder how this cocky arrogant little Herbert would fare if he was pitted against people whom are actually capable of holding their own in a debate or of stringing together a cohesive argument. There are many philandering politicians who are just as morally bankrupt as the people he encounters and systematically trashes on his rotten show.

Who watches this rubbish?

Car crash TV is a relatively new phenomenom. Tragedy, confusion and conflict makes a great TV spectacle and the element of surprise adds further tension. There is of course the added element of fascination in seeing how other people (mis)conduct their lives.

What is perhaps not as evident is the self validating aspect of such shows. Nobody is perfect and viewers are able to draw comfort from the fact that no matter how disfunctional they may be, they are far more together than the socially and morally confused rabble on stage. 'Oh my God, I'm not like that, I don't do that therefore I'm better than them', screams the subconcious to the ego. By subconciously placing others beneath yourself you boost your own self esteem. While hardly noble, this is an undeniable aspect of human nature and this show delivers it in spades.
I guess you have to ask yourself how you would feel if someone higher up the social spectrum socially and culturally were to look at your life with such mock and disdain. It's all relative.

Well I never watched it. No really.

Whilst these shows are hugely popular and successful I consider them to be an embarrassment and endemic of the culture of criticism in modern society. Wat lowers this show beyond the playful put downs on TV talent shows is the style and tone ofthe abuse being dished out. At times it is vicious and is always dealt with utter contempt.
Every generation has TV shows which are looked back upon and it is wondered how they ever got away with showing it. There are a few but I consider Jeremy Kyle to be the outstanding candidate for this generation. A boiling sea of bad taste delivered by a smug and utterly charmless little Hitler.

Who the Hell does Twitter think it is?

Who the Hell does Twitter think it is?

Social networking sites have become a phenomenum over the past few years. Sites such as twitter and Facebook are used by millions around the world and are constantly referred to in everyday discourse if you have the ears to hear it. But what is it tha draws so many people to them and are they of any real value or are they merely a time wasting distraction? It has been suggested that Social networking should be renamed 'Social not-working'

In this piece I shall place my focus on my personal favourite -

Intended as a few thoughts rather than a comprehensive overview, I have wrote this pretty much on the hoof so if it lacks real focus or fluency then this is why. When I spend too much time on these things they tend to become overthought, po-faced and difficult to read, which kind of defeats the point.

So anyway, is twitter a complete;

Waste of time?

I always find it funny when people on Facebook describe twitter as a waste of time. This is a bit like Katie Price criticising Kate Moss for wearing to few clothes. Like most hypocisy there is an element of delusion and lack of awareness that is both amusing and infuriating. Yet this view that twitter and others are merely time wasting is common amongst those who have never participated or haven't perservered long enough to form a more rounded opinion. Or Jane Moir fans.


First of all I don't think the two things are mutually exclusive. After all time you you enjoy wasting is not time wasted. Newtworking sites work as a form of entertainment in much the same way as TV, computer games etc. They provide a kind of escape, a distraction - an opiate if you like. One area in which they rise above such other mediums is the social element. Many other forms of modern entertainment are solo pursuits which actively work to withdraw people from social interaction either physically or at least psychologially. They hem people off from others. As such, social networks can be seen as an antidote to this in a way. While human contact may not be there physically, it is there in spirit by drawing people together in a virtual manner.

It could perhaps be argued that it can also serve to facilitate social skills such as protocol and etiquette. However, there are strong counter-arguments to this and is probaly worthy of a blog entry of its own.

So why do people use twitter?

There are many people who use twitter as a kind of base. A touchstone for people to check back into when they've completed another activity. In this sense it is a good way to share day to day experiences with others in an interesting and amusing way. A bit like a surrogate husband or wife in a sense and there is nothing wrong with this. Anthropological studies prove that feeling that you are being heard by somebody is essential and has important psychological benefits.



Of course people also use it simply because it's fun. I find other people endlessly interesting. They are witty, brilliantly daft, honest, intelligent and reading people thoughts during popular TV shows can be hilarious. The X-factor is a riot on twitter. It is also a great place to access breaking news, collective viewpoints, art, culture, technology and even politics if you are so inclined.

For me personally I found it quite cathartic during a difficult period which is now thankfully over. A place for distraction, expression, humour and an outlet for grievances. As such it can help people navigate the carnage of a bad day in a positive way, working as both a soundboard and a release valve. Like all valves is can serve to have a decompressing effect, helping to release built up steam. Anybody who has witnessed one of my rare twitter rants will know exactly what I mean. I find it is important to use it this sparingly though as people are fine with it to a point but just don't want to hear it all the time. There are far more suitable forums for people who just want to beamoan their luck.

It also has to be said that there are also better outlets for meeting members of the opposite sex but that is a matter I have covered elsewhere on this blog and will discretely brush over here.

Crossing the boundaries of time, space and prejudice.

In a broader sense, sites such as twitter work to shrink the world into a single social space and works to remove boundaries such as class, race and culture. I value contact with a diverse range of people who I would otherwise not encounter through those age old barriers. The way twitter is formatted also makes it possibe to gain contact with people of similar inerests, intelligence and disposition if you so wish.

On a deeper level it can, and indeed has, worked as a powerful political tool as evidenced last year when lines of communication were censored by an oppressive regime.

The nature of internet relationships.

An aspect of internet relationships which places it apart from ordinary social rules are their availability and disposability. Internet relationships are essentially top pocket relationships. Like credit cards people are immediately available and disposable in the virtual world. It is so easy to cut contact from someone and never look back with no consequences. Also the process of choosing is reduced to a one dimensional image or a soundbite. The high emphasis on profile pics annoys me slightly but you could argue that this is merely symptomatic of wider societal values.

Also with the participants isolated as oposed to functioning within a natural social environment, there is also the ambiguity of writing in text. Devoid of body language, tone or irony, written words are often left wide open to interpretation with the meaning much larger in the minds eye of the reader. This can often lead to misunderstandings, confusion and even unrequited passions developing in some cases. Of course over time relationships can develop gradually and you can get to know people fairly well. Or as well as possible within the restrictions of cyberspace.

Is this really me?

This drags into focus just how well you can get to know a person on twitter. Any aspects of a persons personaility an be manipulated, concealed or embellished. Essentially you can make your appear any way you wish to in order to create a more favourable impression.

I do wonder sometimes if I paint an accurate reflection of myself on twitter. I think the answer to this is perhaps yes and no. Yes as in refleting who and what I am as a person but maybe no in terms of recognisability (is that even a word?). The reason why I say this is that people who know me personally perhaps wouldn't recognise me by what, and more particularly how I write. Like many, I am naturally more literate in text than I am in every day discourse. People tend not to usetheir full arsenal of verbiage in every day life as it wouldjust make them sound like a pretentious prat.

For example in real life I would say Scruffy fat git not 'A man, bellicose and belligerent with gravy stains'. But that is perhaps stating the obvious. Or orating to the ministry of obviousness if you like. People just don't talk this way. On my part I just like testing the elasticity of words and phrases sometimes for my own amusement.

Virtual insanity.

Of course like everyhing else such things can become addictive, unhealthy and can blur the line between reality and the virtual world. While gaining and maintaining contacts can be fun and rewarding, it is a mistake to place too much emotional value in people you essentially don't know and who don't know you.

Overall I think twitter and other such sites and great fun and real value on a variety of levels if understood for what they are. In my view they are certainly not a waste of time. If embraced they can provide a fun, entertaining and even psychologically nourishing form of entertainment, expression and sharing.